How to handle questions like ‘When are you going to have a baby?’- for anyone struggling with fertility
I wanted to talk to you about 'those' questions. I recently travelled back to the UK spending time with family and friends. While it is lovely to see everyone there is always the dreaded question ‘Are you going to have another baby?’ (we are extremely lucky to have two babies following 7 years of infertility and multiple rounds of IVF). Walking into a room you can feel the questions mounting before even being asked.
I was asked the question on at least ten separate occasions, as though the 7 years of fertility treatments magically disappeared and our infertility is now cured. There’s also little regard for the fact that maybe we don't want anymore children, maybe we have suffered a loss and are grieving, or maybe we don't want to face the stress and trauma we went through to get here.
I know people mean well and it’s normal for those who care about us to want to know our plans for the future, but until you have lived this path you will never really understand how hard it can be, how individual this process is and what lengths you will go to.
So if you are faced with those annoying questions from family and friends (or random people you have literally just met) here are some tips you may find helpful.
Be Prepared- As annoying as it is you will get asked these questions and they can often come out of the blue like a cold hard slap! So it can help if you are anticipating them.
Have some answers prepared- You don't have to share your private details but having responses to fall back on can help soften the blow. Some examples my clients use are 'no news at the moment but we will let you know if anything changes' or 'I'd rather not talk about it right now'
Protect your mental health- Making sure you are using techniques to support your mental health is so important. Techniques such as Mindfulness, Meditation and breathing techniques can help if you are finding it all too much.
You don't have to go to everything- Summer is the season of events and get-togethers but if its all too much then don't go or go late. You need to look after yourself and put yourself first so if you need to skip the baby shower or christening then that's what you should do.
Focus on self-care- Depending on where you go you may have limited time for yourself. Try and allocate some time to focus on yourself, book a facial or spa treatment or simply go for a walk alone or with your partner. whatever happens, you need to make yourself the priority!
If you would like to be part of a supportive community that understands what you are going through and can help guide you through the process join our Fertility Membership today.